This holiday season is tough. I just stopped and it all hit me. It hit me that each holiday year that passed, there was another empty seat at the table. Not every year, but gradually every couple of years, we 'lost' someone. I buried 4 people I lived with in less than 15 years.
Each year passed and someone passed away, moved away or just stopped coming.
When I was young, there were a lot of people around. I have a relatively small family to begin with, but we were full with family and holiday cheer on both sides. The only thing guaranteed is that everything changes. We have to flow with ripple of life. Everything is what we make of it.
This year is tough because of people's choices. Drugs rip families apart. This year, I am grateful that *I* didn't become the heroin addict people thought I would. "With all you've been given in your life, I am surprised you aren't addicted to heroin"...I can't tell you how many variations of that I have heard. It never gets easier to hear. I am also grateful I never went *there*.
This year is tough because of losses. It's tough when the matriarch of the family and the 'keeper of the holidays' passes away. Everyone is left with the change. Some deal better than others.
I think I was expected to pick up the holidays when my mom passed. I was 20, that was challenging for me. I tried for a couple years to keep people together, but they fell apart. I was told that one of my family members can't be around me, because I remind them too much of my mother, and it's hard for them to deal with, because she's passed. ouch.
The only thing I can do is be grateful for what I have and where I am going with the family and life I have created. I am grateful for the family that is still around. We can't change what happened, but we can learn and grow from it. It also helps us show gratitude for what we currently have.
Today I am grateful for my family, friends, friends that became family, those who love me, surround me and support me. Today, I show gratitude for those who came before us, and for the memories they leave behind.
No comments:
Post a Comment