I have to come to terms with the fact that no matter what I have been through, no matter how far I have come, I will still have judging nay-sayers and people who take issue with where I am, have been or what they perceive me able to achieve in the future. It's such an amazing feeling to hear that people put limits on you when you don't share those same sentiments.
I recently had someone say that I am a lower socioeconomic class than my partner. This hurts. The fact I do not currently have a college degree (but have been working on, with 4.0 semesters all the way), the fact that I sell sex toys, along with some other rants are all sore spots with this individual. BT-dubs...this is "not personal". hm. How is one supposed to take that? 'Hey, I think you're low class, but don't take it personally....It's only because of your job and that you don't (yet) have a piece of paper. It was actually said that I should have a secretary job, or the like....hm.
There are some brilliant people out there who have done amazing things without a college degree. Dell, Ford, Rockefeller...any of those names ring a bell? how about Microsoft, Mary Kay, Kodak, IKEA, Apple, Athena's? Abraham Lincoln, Ben Franklin, Andrew Jackson? ...Yeah, all super successful and now household names with no college degree. Do I need to remind everyone that George W. Bush is a 'well educated' individual? *rolling eyes* ugh. I'm working on that piece of paper, but it doesn't mean that I can't do amazing things while I am in process.
The fact that I am home with my kids, raising them to be decent human beings, taking care of my health, own my own business (2 of them), am plugging along diligently with my college degree, and have overcome HUGE obstacles in my life, and make my partner happy do not matter.
The fact I helped raise nearly $10,000 to aid in local domestic violence in one season's worth of work with V-DAY, the highest they ever raised in a single season, totaling more than half of what had been raised in 3 seasons prior, doesn't matter. The fact that I have many people who have thanked me for helping them in a variety of capacities doesn't matter. The fact I help people deal with loss, addiction, cutting, depression, eating disorders and other personal issues doesn't matter. The fact I have people tell me they didn't commit suicide because of something I said doesn't matter...
It doesn't matter that my parents weren't alive to help me with college...I did it on my own. It doesn't matter that I am trying my ass off on a daily basis.
I have struggled, pawed and clawed my way through this life. I have tried and never given up. I have NEVER been a person who allowed the challenges and struggles to define her to the extent I let them overpower me or use them as an excuse to fail. I have taken EVERY challenge and challenged myself to overcome it. I have resolved time and time again not to let this life get the best of me. I have taken what I have been handed, and tried to do the very best I can.
I have been able to rise from the ashes again and again. I have been able to make something from nothing time and time again.
Life and socioeconomic status seem impacted when you bury both parents by 20, lose tens of thousands of dollars in real estate to vacate an abusive relationship, get diagnosed with an expensive disease that affects every aspect of your life, and still yet have children who need clothes, shoes, food, etc. I still try and have done OK so far.
I have never been a person who says "you know what? I have been handed a shitty hand, take care of me" as I marched my ass to welfare so they can assist me with housing, food, clothes, and money to support my family. I have always chosen to struggle and tried to do it on my own rather than taking advantage of what is out there.
Anyone who KNOWS me, would know that I would rather try harder and go without to be able to provide for my family. No, I am not rich. No I do not have an endless supply of money. YES, things become challenging at times...Is that a reason to slight me at the core of my being? I didn't think so, but I guess I was wrong.
I have learned that I piss people off on occasion, but the source of that is generally because I speak my mind, advocate for myself and suggest others do the same...Seems some people don't care for that assertive behavior.
I am so tired of having to defend myself. I am so tired of rocks being thrown in my direction. I am so tired of dealing with stupid BS from people who have not had major struggles and from people who can go running to mommy and daddy when THEIR feelings get hurt...Must be nice...I haven't had that 'luxury' in almost 10 years. hm, is that bitter I taste, yes it is. I am bitter that I cannot be given the benefit of the doubt. I am bitter that the 'silver spoon' was more like a carrot dangled in my face. I'm bitter that for holidays, birthdays and every other occasion I have not had my parents, yet, you have taken advantage of the fact that yours are still around. I'm bitter that I cry at every father/daughter dance at a wedding because I was never afforded the same opportunity.
I'm so sick of people taking for granted what they have, yet being so quick to point fingers at what I do not have. I'm sick of people looking out at others, trying to figure me out, but not willing to invest the same energy into themselves. Ignorance is bliss, for some...but for me, ignorance doesn't work.
I'm frustrated that the same people reach and point fingers, but CHOOSE to keep their vision external to their own faults. It's fascinating to me that the gripes that some people have about me, are the SAME things they were 'guilty' of possessing at the same time period.
If more people would shut the fuck up, look within and deal with their OWN problems, maybe we'd have less fucked up kids running around out there, less drama, and less hostility towards one another.
I make strides and efforts to be a good person and to make personal evolution on a daily basis. I make efforts to make people I care about happy and let people know I appreciate them.
I'm tired of being blindsided by people who cannot come to terms with their own faults, but have NO hesitation pointing fingers.
Grab a fucking mirror and take a look at yourself. Look at your relationships. Look at how people approach you. Can people talk to you? Can people tell you what they are thinking, or do they cringe attempting to do so? Do you resolve to mend your personal flaws? I'm not talking about seeking 'perfection', as that is a faulty concept. I'm talking about making personal strides and occupying your time and thoughts with things that are actually progressive and make you a better person from your core.
I swear, if more people listened to their intuition instead of their ego, we'd all be much happier.
Just remember, your Karma is not what happens, what you say, or what/how you feel or perceive something...It's YOUR impact on others and how YOU react. If you do something that hurts another, and you are aware of it and not make an effort to repair what you did...That is on YOU!
I am coming to terms that people are always going to bitch about something/someone. Miserable people have a tendency to point out all that is wrong/flaws with something outside of themselves while simultaneously failing to take personal responsibility for their own flaws. It is irritating, but I need to find a peace with it somewhere.
There is a lesson in everything. *sigh* always where you are meant to be and everything happens for a reason, I get. it. I just ring with these words. I am finished my rant, but I do want to first share a few quotes...
'I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way.' -GAGA
'Fuck the naysayers because they don't mean a thing, because this is what style we bring.' -311
'Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.' -Dr. Seuss
'A hasty judgment is a first step to recantation.' -Pubilius Syrus
