My life hurts sometimes. I am generally a happy, optimistic,
vision/solution oriented person with goals and dreams and a
cheerleader for others to do the same. I listen to my gut, help
people, and have overcome adversity time and time again. I persevere.
I have occasional issues with others when the inside motives and intentions do
not match the actions. I don't mean people who feel sad, yet smile (I
understand being 'there'). I mean the mean people. People who smile,
but have ill intentions and motives. Ego. Other than that, I can get along
with many.
Meg wrote this, and I LOVE it: "It's so true that once you have realized
that there is a different way to
live, a different way to behave than the way you have. It becomes
easier not
only only to see what behaviors you have been engaged in
that outside of this
desired way of living and make a more conscious
effort to change your current
behavior to mach that. Of course taking
that first step is very difficult,
especially for a person rooted in
Ego. If the individual has been so strongly
rooted in their Ego for so
long, it's like they believe their way of being is
the right way,
regardless of who else their behavior negatively affects,
including
themselves. No one likes to be called out when they have
done
something "wrong" it is even harder for an ego-based person to
be
called out because they don't even see that they have done
something
wrong or that the way have have been behaving is "wrong." That
their
self-serving behavior is only hurting their relationships
with
everyone else including themselves. Getting to the root what
causes
this ego-based way of thinking is the only way to get an
ego-based
person to even consider that there is another way to be let
alone
begin to change their approach/way of living". ~MM
I tend to push away from ego based people. I can't stand it. Self-serving when I push to help others? Self loathing but pointing fingers? Lacking consideration when I spend my time considering all but myself? Blowing me off because of better things to do, regardless of my needs? I have written people off like that in my life because they are the source of drama. It causes low energy. Sad energy.
I go into a hermit like state once in a while. I become reclusive, introspective.
This is usually when I am trying to deal with a lot of stuff, spinning
emotional, spiritual, mental and physical 'plates'.
I have been sad, but pushing through it. Sure I've smiled, but
I've been pretty sad. I'm trying to clear out the sadness. I am very
busy, trying to balance it all, feeling a lack of time to myself, not
doing as well in one of my classes as I had hoped. I have a few
decisions to make. They are weighing heavily on my mind, and I am
continuing to try to balance it all.
Family. What can I say? I don't have much. I have family members that
live out of state and remain fairly disconnected. It really breaks my
heart. My brother and I were treated differently after our mom died.
We lost touch with both sides of the family, other than the occasional
reach out. My Grammie has always kept in touch, regularly. Other than
that, it's sporadic at best. We only have a few people alive in my
family, and they went their own way after my mom died, disconnecting.
I had a situation this week where I reached out to a family member and
legit was dropped in the middle of a conversation and a visit with my
kids after 20 minutes for them to attend to someone with an addiction.
*sigh* This is my life. I have my kids, my wife and my brother that
are 'around'. I talk to my nana sometimes and try to visit. I hear
from my aunt once in a while. Still talk to my grammie. Get a facebook
post from my Grampa once in a while. More recently re-acquainted
myself with the younger cousins on my dad's side. I don't really
remain connected with anyone other than that, not that there's many
more. Everyone's dead.
It sucks when someone you love hurts you. When there's not many family
members around, when the ones who are around hurt you, it hurts deeper
for some reason.
I feel I'm piling more and more on, trying to be mindful of my health.
I was asked the other day if I was ready to leave this sack of skin
behind...I'm not sure my work is done here. My anxiety has been
intense.
I have been having golden doors open, mixed with roadblocks.
If you had the life I have had, and continue to have stupid shit throw
your way, how would you feel?
I'm ready for a break in this 'need to be 5,6,7 places at different
times in a day, tied to school work, business and family needs' thing.
It's ridiculous. No one can help me. It's all on me, and yet some
people feel I'm not doing "enough" in one area or another.
I don't talk to many about my life, why burden? I don't want pity,
sympathy or looked at like a charity case orphan. I tell a few people
a few things. I got a reading last weekend...it came up that no one
knows all there is about me, people know pieces, but the Whole of me
is limited. Few know all I have dealt with. Many know very little and
make judgments about what they see, rather than look at me in the
macroscopic. It's surprising to hear how some people look at me. To
pull of the 'rich white girl, a little snobby in high school, never
had much happen to her, got everything she wanted' impression I was
told by some. PAHAHA! Right. (Those are the ones who just meet me-
many know better).
Even people in my life don't know all I go through, because I don't
want to talk about the sludge. I don't want to reach out and have
anyone listen because I need to vent. I hold it in, not sure which
angle to release. I believe I am here for a reason, but why do I keep
hurting?
I've been working on clearing out my old heart junk (emotions) for a
few years now. I know it attributed to my MS. It's hard to clear it
out when it keeps piling on.
I dumped one of my close family members in an addiction facility this
year, after years of trying. I did that alone, just me and this family
member. Watched them walk behind locked doors. One of the hardest
things I have ever done. Half of my family has an addiction issue.
That's something many don't know. I kept it quiet.
I am sick of people judging me, and making snide comments. I ask people to rise up to their
potential, regardless of circumstances. I do the same in my own
life. After living where HIV/AIDS and hemophilia, cancer, abuse,
death x 4 (in my home), divorce, cheating, lying, illness, adoption,
addiction and more were all present, I think it's safe to say I've
been through a lot. Many don't know that. Why? Because I don't openly
share everything. Little pieces.
Why do people with the 'silver spoon' lifestyle (and by that, I mean
parents alive- or some semblance of a 'normal' life) judge me or try to hurt
me?
I have good things happening. I have lots of things happening. I have
been stupid busy and not reaching out to talk to anyone. I preach to
let it out, and not hold it in...here I am. Letting it out. I'm sick
of this shit.
I know how good life can be, and I know I have to deal w/ the
challenges as well, but...it's a lot. A real lot, for one person, in
one life.
I'm putting in a new order. I've had a taste of crap once or twice and I know I don't like it. I've learned, I've grown and I will continue to. I want the happy, healthy, full life. I want my dream come true life. I'll have my big girl house, give me some big business, and a happily ever after with lots of love. Order up!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Time in a day
There doesn't seem to be enough time in a day. I know, I know...I tell people all the time to drop the plates they do not need to be spinning, but here I am...spinning many plates.
I am not sure what I can 'drop'. I have two kids over 75% of the time. I run two businesses. I take two classes. I have a partner that needs me.
My gripe is that I do not get much time to do things for me. I do not have time to go out to play, and when I do, some of my funds have been tied up taking care of obligations.
I am seeking a happy medium. I know that my MS is a result of prolonged stress in my life. I know that I am needing to release. I get it. I'm working on it.
I went through a pretty intensive energy 'cleansing' session last night. I am happy and feel more clear today, although, the numbness is present (ugh). I feel I have more cleansing to go through, to wash away what does not serve.
How do I find more hours in my day? How do I get people to understand that I do want to be social, but am left with scraps for myself at the end of the day? How do I explain that I just do not have time to do it all? Why do people get frustrated that I am not doing all I 'can' be doing?
I need to get better at that NO word. I need to stop giving a shit what people think. It's not that I care to an extreme about what people think. I just don't like to have people think I am not interested.
When I was younger, I didn't have these issues. I was healthy and unhappy. I didn't care what anyone thought, and did things for me...all the time.
I didn't care about helping others. I didn't care about hurting others.
Now I am at the opposite end of the continuum. I need to find my balance. I need to find my happiness. I need to do it for me and my health.
I am sick of being numb. I am sick of MS. I am tired of it. So, I need to find a way to release it.
I went through an extraction of sorts last night. I did 'my thing' (and Meg assisted after a while), after, I looked it up online...seems it was in line with a shamanic extraction of displaced energies. Interesting, it stated that this is the procedure many MS patients go through with the alternative therapies...hm, seems my soul knows what my body needs. funny how that works...
I need to find the footing between being selfish and self-less. I know I am not a selfish person. I was. I am looking to find the footing between taking care of myself and taking care of others.
I know I need to work and bring in my share of the income. I want to be in school (although, it is challenging at times - like having to skip a quiz because I am EXHAUSTED). I HAVE to take care of my kids.
I just want to be able to take off and have a day off. Why do I get one day off a month? It doesn't make me happy.
I take care of the kids all week, and run them to/from school, soccer, dance, appointments, and their dad's. When they are with their dad, I work. When I am not working, I have my kids. When I am not balancing and juggling that, I do school work.
Everyone tells me to slow down. I am not sure how to do that.
I find myself thinking back to what I told my mom...slow down. Stop taking care of everyone else and take care of YOU.
I need a dose of my own medicine. I am just legitimately not sure how to do this.
Help.
I am not sure what I can 'drop'. I have two kids over 75% of the time. I run two businesses. I take two classes. I have a partner that needs me.
My gripe is that I do not get much time to do things for me. I do not have time to go out to play, and when I do, some of my funds have been tied up taking care of obligations.
I am seeking a happy medium. I know that my MS is a result of prolonged stress in my life. I know that I am needing to release. I get it. I'm working on it.
I went through a pretty intensive energy 'cleansing' session last night. I am happy and feel more clear today, although, the numbness is present (ugh). I feel I have more cleansing to go through, to wash away what does not serve.
How do I find more hours in my day? How do I get people to understand that I do want to be social, but am left with scraps for myself at the end of the day? How do I explain that I just do not have time to do it all? Why do people get frustrated that I am not doing all I 'can' be doing?
I need to get better at that NO word. I need to stop giving a shit what people think. It's not that I care to an extreme about what people think. I just don't like to have people think I am not interested.
When I was younger, I didn't have these issues. I was healthy and unhappy. I didn't care what anyone thought, and did things for me...all the time.
I didn't care about helping others. I didn't care about hurting others.
Now I am at the opposite end of the continuum. I need to find my balance. I need to find my happiness. I need to do it for me and my health.
I am sick of being numb. I am sick of MS. I am tired of it. So, I need to find a way to release it.
I went through an extraction of sorts last night. I did 'my thing' (and Meg assisted after a while), after, I looked it up online...seems it was in line with a shamanic extraction of displaced energies. Interesting, it stated that this is the procedure many MS patients go through with the alternative therapies...hm, seems my soul knows what my body needs. funny how that works...
I need to find the footing between being selfish and self-less. I know I am not a selfish person. I was. I am looking to find the footing between taking care of myself and taking care of others.
I know I need to work and bring in my share of the income. I want to be in school (although, it is challenging at times - like having to skip a quiz because I am EXHAUSTED). I HAVE to take care of my kids.
I just want to be able to take off and have a day off. Why do I get one day off a month? It doesn't make me happy.
I take care of the kids all week, and run them to/from school, soccer, dance, appointments, and their dad's. When they are with their dad, I work. When I am not working, I have my kids. When I am not balancing and juggling that, I do school work.
Everyone tells me to slow down. I am not sure how to do that.
I find myself thinking back to what I told my mom...slow down. Stop taking care of everyone else and take care of YOU.
I need a dose of my own medicine. I am just legitimately not sure how to do this.
Help.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Fuck MS and Fuck YOU Dr. G.
* I may use course language, get over it. Walk in my shoes, then judge. ;-) *
Yesterday, I contacted the complaint department at Lahey. I filed a complaint on my old PCP. The one that called me to diagnose me with Multiple Sclerosis. I know it has been some time since this all happened. I called because I have the right to, to let them know what his lack of care, delayed diagnosis and delayed treatment did to me. I don't want anyone else to deal with this. As of right now, there is no 'cure' for MS.
I am doing what I can with self-healing, weekly injections and slowing down my life (still 'busy', but I can't work like I did before, because I have to nap daily...today, I took 2 naps because of the extreme exhaustion). I fucking hate needles. I am supposed to get my injection tonight. Sure, I'll take an almost 1" needle straight in the thigh each week. What a blast. We even get to alternate legs each week, outlined by bruising. Sometimes, the injections go perfectly. Only one of my legs freaks out and tightens uncontrollably on occasion, or the injection burns going in, where I need to be held down while I cry in pain. Sometimes I get sick after the injection, with a headache that far surpasses any migraine I have ever had. Sometimes I have chills, but sweat.
MS Sucks and my daily symptoms arise because a fucktard doctor failed to diagnose me as a result of failing to order and have followthrough of properly executed medical tests in a timely manner. Stress induces my symptoms and mimics an exacerbation. I need to figure out whether what I am dealing with is new, or a reoccurred expression of old symptoms. I only have issues from #1, not exacerbation #2 (treated timely).
I am not a hypochondriac and do not run to the doctor often. I go when I am really not feeling well. (they wouldn't refill my inhaler without seeing me in the office because it had been two years since my last physical).
Every appointment I went to, which was not too often, my PCP asked me if I had considered genetic testing for breast cancer, or early screening, because I have a strong family history of breast cancer. HE began sending me for Mammograms and MRI's on my breasts at 25 years old. I always reminded him of this, as he flipped through notes, and asking if the tests were normal...
When I started having MS symptoms in November '08, I made an appointment with my doctor. He told me that I was likely stressed with the holiday season, and to go home, relax, drink a cup of tea, and take a hot shower, as hot as I could make the water. I did. It made me dizzy, nauseas, confused, visual issues and numb.
The numbness, cognitive, visual, fatigue continued. I made another appointment. I had blood work done, and a urine analysis, they both came back 'normal'. More hot showers.
Finally, irritated, I called and asked for a referral to a neurologist and an MRI. He sent me for a double study brain and cervical spine MRI.
I was at work at 9AM on 1/9/09 when I got the call. He told me that the MRI I had the evening before came back indicating I had 16 lesions in my brain and cervical spine and that I had MS. He also said I was young and asked if I had children. Yes, I have two, I brought them in for appointments with me. You were my doctor from 2002-2009, before I was pregnant with my first until after my second child. He then asked if I needed anxiety medication to deal with this diagnosis.
After I was diagnosed and got my fantastic neurologist (Dr. Camac is AMAZING), I got sick. Typical chest cold/sinus infection type thing. I went to the doctor, my PCP. He asked about the medications I was on, Amantadine, Avonex, and looked it up in his book...he then asked if I had Multiple Sclerosis...
I no longer see this PCP. I have a new one, she seems really good, but again, I have only been twice in two years, when I am sick. I called her the other day to get an updated order to the Breast Care Center, which I made an appointment with for a consult and mammogram. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at 29, so it's weird, I'm 29 right now. My mom passed away when I was 20. I'm focused on healing and health.
I called and filed a complaint against my old primary care doctor because I still have symptoms associated with my first exacerbation of MS that could have been minimized or subsided. Had I received timely diagnostic testing, it would have prevented a delayed diagnosis and delayed administration of 5gram corticosteroid treatments through IV in the hand (1gram a day over the course of 5 days), and prolonged initial Avonex injections.
I have to take a weekly intramuscular injection as a result of my diagnosis. I have random numbness, visual disturbances, cognitive challenges, dizziness, etc. All of that is associated with my first exacerbation. I had one exacerbation after my initial issue in 2008-2009. I reported it to my neuro, verified it through an MRI and received prompt treatment, which alleviated the symptoms I had from exacerbation #2. Thankfully, my neurologist listens.
Issues from #1 persist, thanks to my doctor. Had he listened to me, maybe it could have gotten me a validating MRI, corticosteroids and Avonex months earlier. Had he not told me to run my neck under hot water, maybe I would not have had my symptoms progress as they had, which persist at any point in time. Had he understood that I would NOT have been there unless it was something I felt to be serious, maybe we could have sped everything up and prevented the longevity of the initial symptoms that I deal with, randomly with stress and heat.
I told his office when it happened, but I never did anything formal, through Lahey. Now I have. I have to live with it, and after not listening to me for months, you just called and told me I have MS, then said "you don't have any children yet, do you?" and asked if I need anxiety pills? Dr, G.? Really? ...Actually, on second thought, yeah, I'll take 2.
Yesterday, I contacted the complaint department at Lahey. I filed a complaint on my old PCP. The one that called me to diagnose me with Multiple Sclerosis. I know it has been some time since this all happened. I called because I have the right to, to let them know what his lack of care, delayed diagnosis and delayed treatment did to me. I don't want anyone else to deal with this. As of right now, there is no 'cure' for MS.
I am doing what I can with self-healing, weekly injections and slowing down my life (still 'busy', but I can't work like I did before, because I have to nap daily...today, I took 2 naps because of the extreme exhaustion). I fucking hate needles. I am supposed to get my injection tonight. Sure, I'll take an almost 1" needle straight in the thigh each week. What a blast. We even get to alternate legs each week, outlined by bruising. Sometimes, the injections go perfectly. Only one of my legs freaks out and tightens uncontrollably on occasion, or the injection burns going in, where I need to be held down while I cry in pain. Sometimes I get sick after the injection, with a headache that far surpasses any migraine I have ever had. Sometimes I have chills, but sweat.
MS Sucks and my daily symptoms arise because a fucktard doctor failed to diagnose me as a result of failing to order and have followthrough of properly executed medical tests in a timely manner. Stress induces my symptoms and mimics an exacerbation. I need to figure out whether what I am dealing with is new, or a reoccurred expression of old symptoms. I only have issues from #1, not exacerbation #2 (treated timely).
I am not a hypochondriac and do not run to the doctor often. I go when I am really not feeling well. (they wouldn't refill my inhaler without seeing me in the office because it had been two years since my last physical).
Every appointment I went to, which was not too often, my PCP asked me if I had considered genetic testing for breast cancer, or early screening, because I have a strong family history of breast cancer. HE began sending me for Mammograms and MRI's on my breasts at 25 years old. I always reminded him of this, as he flipped through notes, and asking if the tests were normal...
When I started having MS symptoms in November '08, I made an appointment with my doctor. He told me that I was likely stressed with the holiday season, and to go home, relax, drink a cup of tea, and take a hot shower, as hot as I could make the water. I did. It made me dizzy, nauseas, confused, visual issues and numb.
The numbness, cognitive, visual, fatigue continued. I made another appointment. I had blood work done, and a urine analysis, they both came back 'normal'. More hot showers.
Finally, irritated, I called and asked for a referral to a neurologist and an MRI. He sent me for a double study brain and cervical spine MRI.
I was at work at 9AM on 1/9/09 when I got the call. He told me that the MRI I had the evening before came back indicating I had 16 lesions in my brain and cervical spine and that I had MS. He also said I was young and asked if I had children. Yes, I have two, I brought them in for appointments with me. You were my doctor from 2002-2009, before I was pregnant with my first until after my second child. He then asked if I needed anxiety medication to deal with this diagnosis.
After I was diagnosed and got my fantastic neurologist (Dr. Camac is AMAZING), I got sick. Typical chest cold/sinus infection type thing. I went to the doctor, my PCP. He asked about the medications I was on, Amantadine, Avonex, and looked it up in his book...he then asked if I had Multiple Sclerosis...
I no longer see this PCP. I have a new one, she seems really good, but again, I have only been twice in two years, when I am sick. I called her the other day to get an updated order to the Breast Care Center, which I made an appointment with for a consult and mammogram. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at 29, so it's weird, I'm 29 right now. My mom passed away when I was 20. I'm focused on healing and health.
I called and filed a complaint against my old primary care doctor because I still have symptoms associated with my first exacerbation of MS that could have been minimized or subsided. Had I received timely diagnostic testing, it would have prevented a delayed diagnosis and delayed administration of 5gram corticosteroid treatments through IV in the hand (1gram a day over the course of 5 days), and prolonged initial Avonex injections.
I have to take a weekly intramuscular injection as a result of my diagnosis. I have random numbness, visual disturbances, cognitive challenges, dizziness, etc. All of that is associated with my first exacerbation. I had one exacerbation after my initial issue in 2008-2009. I reported it to my neuro, verified it through an MRI and received prompt treatment, which alleviated the symptoms I had from exacerbation #2. Thankfully, my neurologist listens.
Issues from #1 persist, thanks to my doctor. Had he listened to me, maybe it could have gotten me a validating MRI, corticosteroids and Avonex months earlier. Had he not told me to run my neck under hot water, maybe I would not have had my symptoms progress as they had, which persist at any point in time. Had he understood that I would NOT have been there unless it was something I felt to be serious, maybe we could have sped everything up and prevented the longevity of the initial symptoms that I deal with, randomly with stress and heat.
I told his office when it happened, but I never did anything formal, through Lahey. Now I have. I have to live with it, and after not listening to me for months, you just called and told me I have MS, then said "you don't have any children yet, do you?" and asked if I need anxiety pills? Dr, G.? Really? ...Actually, on second thought, yeah, I'll take 2.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Everything happens for a reason
We are brought to people and situations for a reason. Sometimes it is to learn, sometimes it is to teach, sometimes it is a hybrid of the two. Remain focused, regardless of circumstances. Listen to your gut, for your soul will not do you wrong.
Nobody ever says that they wish they did NOT listen to their gut.
We can help people that cross our path, and they can help us. For this to happen, we must be mindful of the change that needs to take place. Ignoring or choosing to not face the issue head on, will leave you feeling a longing, a missing piece within your own soul, and a continuing, relentless feeling unfulfilled, eternally. No physical world experience or doing can compete with the fullness that is felt when you honor your soul.
To people who are not familiar with this, you may feel the longing I refer to, but shrug it off. Some may smile with a quiet knowing.
There is a peace to be found inside, regardless of how noisy the world gets.
Honor your soul and succeed.
Namaste.
Nobody ever says that they wish they did NOT listen to their gut.
We can help people that cross our path, and they can help us. For this to happen, we must be mindful of the change that needs to take place. Ignoring or choosing to not face the issue head on, will leave you feeling a longing, a missing piece within your own soul, and a continuing, relentless feeling unfulfilled, eternally. No physical world experience or doing can compete with the fullness that is felt when you honor your soul.
To people who are not familiar with this, you may feel the longing I refer to, but shrug it off. Some may smile with a quiet knowing.
There is a peace to be found inside, regardless of how noisy the world gets.
Honor your soul and succeed.
Namaste.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Here we go...?
So, I have had too many experiences, where I felt something or had a vision and it came true for me not to do something with it. I have written documentation of doing this since 2002. I know, it's a little 'weird'. For those who know me, and have for a long time, that probably doesn't surprise you, and I've likely told you about the pillow fire, the crystal in the window, the house in Gloucester, how certain things were going to pan out, the recent findings of brown dwarfs in our solar system, gold, etc. etc. etc.
For those that don't really know me, this is not stuff I share freely. I understand how many people do not understand any of that type of stuff, it tends to scare them, and in turn, they judge. I get that. I choose not to share with those people, or justify myself to them.
I started formally writing out my prophecies. I am fascinated with Edgar Cayce and have had a special affinity for him and connection to him since I first heard the name, when I was far too young to grasp the concept of what he did. I didn't know who he was, but I know he would be important to me. Go figure.
So I began writing. I have written down some of the things I feel will happen in the next two years, and fairly specifically to prevent ambiguity. This is in a separate blog, posted with a time stamp, but private. Few people will see this list, mainly because I don't care to deal with justifying myself to people who don't get it.
We will see and time will tell whether any/all of the things I have prophecized come true. All I know is too much has happened already. I want the time stamped proof of truth. I will let you know when things start to roll out. These events include political, astronomical, social, environmental, scientific etc. etc. etc. events, findings and issues.
I may not know it all, and I am still growing and developing, but when I understand that the previous notion I possessed does not apply, maybe I'll see an even bigger picture.
Although, I am not pleased about my feelings and visions of some of the events, I feel they are necessary and will offer a new perspective for many. Time will tell...that elusive concept of 'time'.
For those that don't really know me, this is not stuff I share freely. I understand how many people do not understand any of that type of stuff, it tends to scare them, and in turn, they judge. I get that. I choose not to share with those people, or justify myself to them.
I started formally writing out my prophecies. I am fascinated with Edgar Cayce and have had a special affinity for him and connection to him since I first heard the name, when I was far too young to grasp the concept of what he did. I didn't know who he was, but I know he would be important to me. Go figure.
So I began writing. I have written down some of the things I feel will happen in the next two years, and fairly specifically to prevent ambiguity. This is in a separate blog, posted with a time stamp, but private. Few people will see this list, mainly because I don't care to deal with justifying myself to people who don't get it.
We will see and time will tell whether any/all of the things I have prophecized come true. All I know is too much has happened already. I want the time stamped proof of truth. I will let you know when things start to roll out. These events include political, astronomical, social, environmental, scientific etc. etc. etc. events, findings and issues.
I may not know it all, and I am still growing and developing, but when I understand that the previous notion I possessed does not apply, maybe I'll see an even bigger picture.
Although, I am not pleased about my feelings and visions of some of the events, I feel they are necessary and will offer a new perspective for many. Time will tell...that elusive concept of 'time'.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Just a hop, skip and a jump...
This weekend, in one day, I was given the beautiful gift of having 3 of my dreams come true, supported, validated and honored.
I was, at the last minute, asked to read at a Psychic Reading fair at Avalon Holistic Clinic & Retreat in Raymond, NH. I was so excited! I was seeking a retreat at a holistic center. I was able to select the table right next to the rock circle that had seven megaliths representing each of the seven chakras. This was complete with a rock water fountain in the center, runic symbols placed against trees with smaller stones, prayer flags hung and a lake reflecting foliage in the distance. I was able to do readings, as well as receive a chair massage. I was in my glory, listening to Shamanic Journeying music while I did my readings and enjoyed the site.
Boom! just like that, two of my dreams come true. I was reading at a psychic fair AND got my day at a holistic retreat center. Phew! Exhale. What a wonderful experience. I was lifted by the ability to spend the day outdoors in such a beautiful setting, next to the megaliths, doing what I love to do.
Score.
Then the 'big one'. I was approached, out of the 7 readers that were there at that fair, to do readings for Salem's Psychic Center in Salem, MA the last two weekends in October as part of Haunted Happenings! She said she had been seeking out my energy. I can relate to that. She said my energy vibrated at a frequency she had been seeking. I understand what she means by that. Call it 'psychic' jargon, but I get it.
I was thrilled to pieces! What an opportunity?!
I was thinking, just ONE WEEK PRIOR when I was vising Salem, MA, that I would love to be able to read at a reputable shop. I like the energy of Salem's Psychic Center. I have never been in the shop, but I like the feeling of it...as opposed to some other shops that shall remain nameless...
BOOM! Dream come true #3 in less than a day. ok, I see where we are going with this...my last blog was about coincidences. hm...that's funny...I was just writing about coincidences and here are a bunch that fell in my lap...
I have had a lot of interesting things happen in the less than week since my last blog. I learned that you better be careful what you search for online, because you never know when Big Brother can be watching...I am not going to elaborate on that one...but those who do know what I am talking about know that I know when to take a sign (huh, that's an odd 'coincidence'...)
I have learned that by setting goals and intentions, the manifestation of such can be brought to a rapid pace.
There have been so many other little things that I could write for days. Calling someone after they were just talking about me. Showing up to visit someone who had just been thinking about me. Meeting someone who had some 'coincidental'/synchronistic ties with me. Being asked to do a fair that filled one of my dreams at a location that filled another one of my dreams. Then being at the fair and being asked (despite several people wanting to be in the position) to be a reader in Salem, MA for Halloween?! OK! I like where we are going with this.
All I have ever wanted to do is help, heal and teach. I feel it is why I am here. I do this by teaching people to tap into themselves and look at themselves multi-dimensionally...mind, body, emotions, spirit. All functioning (or not) pieces of the whole.
It would appear that the Universe is supporting me fully on this path in ways more beautiful than I could have imagined. I have learned to be careful with what it is I am attempting to tap into, regardless of my purely helpful intentions. Some information is better left untouched by me.
I am definitely listening, and good things are happening.
I was told by a family member that I enter the room differently than some people. She said I seem to float and my energy is just different. Hm, when I was a kid and not liked in school...different was a bad thing. I guess keeping to myself at times was not a bad thing.
While some kids were socializing, I was studying all things Psi. When I made friends, I sought out a connection to esoteric arts and an interest in spirituality. I have made many friends along the way. I have made acquaintance with people I called friends...learned the intended lesson, and ran away...haha. Discernment of the word 'friend' has been a focus of mine in the past few years. I am becoming increasingly selectful with that term, and resolve to listen to my gut before I call an ill-motivated foe, a friend.
Today, I woke up and did school work for hours. When pausing to reminisce about the events yesterday, I found myself missing the tranquility of the retreat center. I decided to take a break from studies and see when the wellness fair was going on at Rolling Ridge in North Andover, MA. Hm, that's strange....the event is TODAY?! ok....that's an odd coincidence (ya see why I stopped writing about every single coincidence? It is a multiple time a day thing at this point...ramped up more recently in intensity and frequency). I pulled myself together and went. I was seeking out an energy clearing of my own. I needed an objective view of the block(s) I am trying to work through. I am human. I know when I need to reach out.
I was able to get a session with the same woman who worked on me at the same event last year. While she was working, I observed what was going on with my own energy. In my observation, I had to chuckle. I hit the nail on the head. The objective view and outside individual working with my energy to clear away sludge was my key. I was able to find the source of my heart center blockage.
When I was developing, I was in a relationship with someone who was less than accepting of any of 'that hocus pocus mumbo jumbo bullshit'. hm. ok, not exactly encouraging, but I care a lot for you, and you do not accept that part of me.
I continued on my (stagnated) path of spirituality. I received the messages. My issue was trust. I did not trust myself. I had some people in my life who questioned my sanity. In turn, I questioned my own. I began to write. I wrote about my thoughts, impressions, readings, gut feelings, and where I wanted to go from there.
I continued to (struggle) to develop while I was in that relationship. Once I realized the toxicity on a variety of levels, I resolved to make a change. I would be left to deal with the aftermath of the damage and pain for years to come and years of therapy can't 'undo' what happened. Sigh. Moving on...
I realized that some of my 'old' issues were continuing to hold me back. I had a disconnection between what I was experiencing and my belief/trust in the same.
My belief that this is real. My belief that I am here to help, heal and teach...That I am Intuitive and I am here to help you to understand the same inside of YOU. That this is NOT BS.
I needed to reconnect my solar plexus with my heart. How silly?! I worked on a blockage, and worked on the whole, but I didn't address the connection between my heart with the other chakras...It all seems so simple now. I get it. I needed an objective view to help me see something within myself.
As she was working on me today, I began to get flash back images regarding exactly what this disconnection stemmed from. I am a work in progress, aren't we all?
I am beginning to realize that each coincidence, each synchronistic event, each time I listen to my gut, it leads me in a direction closer to where I want to be.
I courageously avoid not listening to the intuitive voice, the soul's voice. I have learned what happens if you do not pay attention. You kick yourself in the butt and wish you had listened to yourself to begin with!
It is very rare that I meet someone who is thankful they did NOT listen to their own intuition. Let me ask...Have you found an occasion when your intuition guided you to do something, and you made a free will choice to NOT listen...and GOOD came of it? I'm curious. If so, please expand my current belief system!
I am hopeful and believe this upward trend will continue. I wish the same for you, if you so desire.
Blessed Be & Namaste.
Corinne
I was, at the last minute, asked to read at a Psychic Reading fair at Avalon Holistic Clinic & Retreat in Raymond, NH. I was so excited! I was seeking a retreat at a holistic center. I was able to select the table right next to the rock circle that had seven megaliths representing each of the seven chakras. This was complete with a rock water fountain in the center, runic symbols placed against trees with smaller stones, prayer flags hung and a lake reflecting foliage in the distance. I was able to do readings, as well as receive a chair massage. I was in my glory, listening to Shamanic Journeying music while I did my readings and enjoyed the site.
Boom! just like that, two of my dreams come true. I was reading at a psychic fair AND got my day at a holistic retreat center. Phew! Exhale. What a wonderful experience. I was lifted by the ability to spend the day outdoors in such a beautiful setting, next to the megaliths, doing what I love to do.
Score.
Then the 'big one'. I was approached, out of the 7 readers that were there at that fair, to do readings for Salem's Psychic Center in Salem, MA the last two weekends in October as part of Haunted Happenings! She said she had been seeking out my energy. I can relate to that. She said my energy vibrated at a frequency she had been seeking. I understand what she means by that. Call it 'psychic' jargon, but I get it.
I was thrilled to pieces! What an opportunity?!
I was thinking, just ONE WEEK PRIOR when I was vising Salem, MA, that I would love to be able to read at a reputable shop. I like the energy of Salem's Psychic Center. I have never been in the shop, but I like the feeling of it...as opposed to some other shops that shall remain nameless...
BOOM! Dream come true #3 in less than a day. ok, I see where we are going with this...my last blog was about coincidences. hm...that's funny...I was just writing about coincidences and here are a bunch that fell in my lap...
I have had a lot of interesting things happen in the less than week since my last blog. I learned that you better be careful what you search for online, because you never know when Big Brother can be watching...I am not going to elaborate on that one...but those who do know what I am talking about know that I know when to take a sign (huh, that's an odd 'coincidence'...)
I have learned that by setting goals and intentions, the manifestation of such can be brought to a rapid pace.
There have been so many other little things that I could write for days. Calling someone after they were just talking about me. Showing up to visit someone who had just been thinking about me. Meeting someone who had some 'coincidental'/synchronistic ties with me. Being asked to do a fair that filled one of my dreams at a location that filled another one of my dreams. Then being at the fair and being asked (despite several people wanting to be in the position) to be a reader in Salem, MA for Halloween?! OK! I like where we are going with this.
All I have ever wanted to do is help, heal and teach. I feel it is why I am here. I do this by teaching people to tap into themselves and look at themselves multi-dimensionally...mind, body, emotions, spirit. All functioning (or not) pieces of the whole.
It would appear that the Universe is supporting me fully on this path in ways more beautiful than I could have imagined. I have learned to be careful with what it is I am attempting to tap into, regardless of my purely helpful intentions. Some information is better left untouched by me.
I am definitely listening, and good things are happening.
I was told by a family member that I enter the room differently than some people. She said I seem to float and my energy is just different. Hm, when I was a kid and not liked in school...different was a bad thing. I guess keeping to myself at times was not a bad thing.
While some kids were socializing, I was studying all things Psi. When I made friends, I sought out a connection to esoteric arts and an interest in spirituality. I have made many friends along the way. I have made acquaintance with people I called friends...learned the intended lesson, and ran away...haha. Discernment of the word 'friend' has been a focus of mine in the past few years. I am becoming increasingly selectful with that term, and resolve to listen to my gut before I call an ill-motivated foe, a friend.
Today, I woke up and did school work for hours. When pausing to reminisce about the events yesterday, I found myself missing the tranquility of the retreat center. I decided to take a break from studies and see when the wellness fair was going on at Rolling Ridge in North Andover, MA. Hm, that's strange....the event is TODAY?! ok....that's an odd coincidence (ya see why I stopped writing about every single coincidence? It is a multiple time a day thing at this point...ramped up more recently in intensity and frequency). I pulled myself together and went. I was seeking out an energy clearing of my own. I needed an objective view of the block(s) I am trying to work through. I am human. I know when I need to reach out.
I was able to get a session with the same woman who worked on me at the same event last year. While she was working, I observed what was going on with my own energy. In my observation, I had to chuckle. I hit the nail on the head. The objective view and outside individual working with my energy to clear away sludge was my key. I was able to find the source of my heart center blockage.
When I was developing, I was in a relationship with someone who was less than accepting of any of 'that hocus pocus mumbo jumbo bullshit'. hm. ok, not exactly encouraging, but I care a lot for you, and you do not accept that part of me.
I continued on my (stagnated) path of spirituality. I received the messages. My issue was trust. I did not trust myself. I had some people in my life who questioned my sanity. In turn, I questioned my own. I began to write. I wrote about my thoughts, impressions, readings, gut feelings, and where I wanted to go from there.
I continued to (struggle) to develop while I was in that relationship. Once I realized the toxicity on a variety of levels, I resolved to make a change. I would be left to deal with the aftermath of the damage and pain for years to come and years of therapy can't 'undo' what happened. Sigh. Moving on...
I realized that some of my 'old' issues were continuing to hold me back. I had a disconnection between what I was experiencing and my belief/trust in the same.
My belief that this is real. My belief that I am here to help, heal and teach...That I am Intuitive and I am here to help you to understand the same inside of YOU. That this is NOT BS.
I needed to reconnect my solar plexus with my heart. How silly?! I worked on a blockage, and worked on the whole, but I didn't address the connection between my heart with the other chakras...It all seems so simple now. I get it. I needed an objective view to help me see something within myself.
As she was working on me today, I began to get flash back images regarding exactly what this disconnection stemmed from. I am a work in progress, aren't we all?
I am beginning to realize that each coincidence, each synchronistic event, each time I listen to my gut, it leads me in a direction closer to where I want to be.
I courageously avoid not listening to the intuitive voice, the soul's voice. I have learned what happens if you do not pay attention. You kick yourself in the butt and wish you had listened to yourself to begin with!
It is very rare that I meet someone who is thankful they did NOT listen to their own intuition. Let me ask...Have you found an occasion when your intuition guided you to do something, and you made a free will choice to NOT listen...and GOOD came of it? I'm curious. If so, please expand my current belief system!
I am hopeful and believe this upward trend will continue. I wish the same for you, if you so desire.
Blessed Be & Namaste.
Corinne
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Coincidence? I don't think so...
I began tracking my coincidences in 2002-2003. I realized at that
time there is no such thing as a 'coincidence' and that many
coincidences are part of synchronicity. I now understand that these
things happen to help us understand more about ourselves as well as more
about others and the bigger picture.
So many of us live our lives in our microcosmic world while paying no mind to the macrocosmic picture. We hone ourselves into our little world and tend to hyper-focus on trivial things that do not matter. Why do we do this? Do we do this to distract ourselves from the 'bigger' picture? Do we choose to not pay attention to the coincidences that attempt to push us forward in an attempt to control some aspect of our life?
What if we are not the ones in control of the macrocosmic picture, but we do have control over the microcosm? What if we listened to the guidance inside of ourselves as a result of understanding the bigger picture? Would we be more happy, loving, tolerant, understanding, and compassionate, while being less medicated, 'helpless' and violent? Perhaps.
I am sure that not many humans are privy to the 'bigger picture'. We have sought out for thousands of years through a variety of ancient texts through a variety of cultures to obtain the key to some of the questions that we have been asking for centuries. Why are we here?
I believe that free will is rampant. I believe that we have control over what we focus on. I believe that we have the ability to change our microcosmic world, and in turn make a difference in the 'the bigger picture'. I believe that we are so much more powerful than many of us understand.
Think about it...How many times have you proclaimed 'I can't help it', 'I wish I could do something', or 'I have no control over that'? Could you really not help the situation, or are you being 'lazy' and seeking a physical world answer? Some things are just beyond the physical world. Some things can be remedied by utilizing ethereal energy.
It is practically common knowledge that we are energy and that everything is energy. If the belief of the majority of humanity is in a deity of some sort, something greater than ourselves (barring the beliefs of atheists and secular humanists), wouldn't it make sense to say that ethereal energy, God/Spirit energy, is more abundant than any other form of energy we can measure utilizing current technologies? If so, then why is it so outside the realm of possibility for many to conceive that ethereal energy exists, and we access it?
People speak to the effect of creating what we want. Some speak of the importance of having positive thoughts, because that is what we 'put out there' and in turn create or receive. Some, speak of 'gut feelings', intuition, coincidence, 'intuitive; or psychic abilities, mediumship and conscience. All of those things are a result of ethereal energy. God fearing and God loving people speak of miracles. Atheists and secular humanists suggest focusing on the current blip of energy and doing all you can here and now, rather than thinking more linear and cyclical (beyond space and time) and expecting a return to a deity of some sort. Would it be a stretch to say that those encompass ethereal energies as well?
No, not everyone will agree with all of those things stated above, as logic and reason are abundant that tend to challenge ethereal beliefs...BUT, if we CAN agree that everything is energy and that the majority of people in the world believe in some type of 'God' greater than ourselves, would not it stand to reason that there MAY be some energy out there that we have yet to be able to measure using current methods of technology? Some energy greater than ourselves that many don't understand because we look outside of ourselves for the answer? What about the Chinese concept of Chi? Life force energy...Ethereal energy is the same thing. What about the Mayans, Hopi and more with their validated 'inside' info from ancient texts? Obtained utilizing Ethereal energy. Prayers are also heard through ethereal energy.
There are so many things that humans have stated before with confidence and later proved wrong, therefore pushing forward the previously current methodologies of science and technology. Once upon a time it was wholeheartedly believed that Earth was flat, Earth was the center of the universe, heroin was beneficial and that Pluto was a planet. The point? Science has been wrong before.
We are fully engaged and locked in a time where many people rely on science, technology and media for the answers. We have made advances, but we have also been wrong, remember Y2K? What if we stepped back from the land of media, internet, technology and science and oh, I don't know...actually looked within?
I have talked to people about 'looking within'. Some give a simple nod with a knowing smile...others look at me like I have 10 heads and think I have my head in the clouds. Still others seem perplexed that I actually want them to 'get inside' themselves and realize they are more than a bag of bones. Some are eager to hear more.
We have a soul or a spirit inside of us, many believe that. Why does it challenge so many beliefs when someone speaks about communicating with your own soul? We easily pick up our 'smart' phones and text, email, call, etc. and can reach out to anyone we choose. We look at NASA and Google Earth for pictures and information about what is beyond our microcosmic world. We search and scour the internet for information about the world around us; current events, politics, entertainment and 'reality' TV (the "REAL" lives of people who don't/won't matter to us on a small scale...generally so we do not have to pay attention to what we need to in our own lives), science and technology, self help/personal development, and some slither through social networking sites to find out what someone else is doing so they will again not have to focus on their own life (it's so much more fun to gossip about others than it is to fix your own issues, right?? ugh!). We seek information about things that we don't understand, as well as fill our heads with garbage that we don't NEED to understand. Why does it matter? Why do we do that and then look boggled when someone suggests turning off the outside world for a minute and looking inside yourself?
We are 'busy' in 2011...I get it....we 'don't have time'. We make excuses. Sure, we are busy, but why can we not take one minute a couple of times a day to get in touch with ourselves? Personally, I have a hard time finding the 20 solid, uninterrupted minutes a day some talk about taking to meditate. BUT, I absolutely take one solid minute a few times a day. Quality over quantity.
If you have ever felt something was a coincidence, if you have ever been involved in a seemingly synchronistic event, if you have ever felt like someone was watching you (when 'no one' is there - in the physical world/realm), if you have ever thought about someone and they contacted you, had a bad feeling, thought or felt something and then it happened, had a miracle occur, prayed, set a goal or intentions, or even cast a spell...you have worked with ethereal energy.
Some people pray to God. Some people cast a spell. Some people do neither and try to check things off their bucket list (achieving goals). Yet, each of those belief systems (as a whole) tend to judge the others.
Organized religion repels 'witch craft' and secular humanism and atheism reject both! Then there are many caught in between.
Personally, none of those options appeal to me. I am not big into organized religion (the closest I have gotten to resonating with an 'organized religion' is Spiritualism), witch craft and spell casting is not for me. Secular Humanism and Atheism are not for me either, despite my atheistic approach at life through my miserable teen years. I do not judge anyone who resonates with any belief system. We are all seeking a common goal...To be happy.
The point of this blog is to help some understand that there IS something out there bigger than many understand, and it is WITHIN us. It is outside of us. It is everywhere.
Free will is abundant, personal responsibility is necessary and becoming acquainted with the little voice inside (not in a mental illness 'the voices told me to do it' kind of way...more like a listening to your conscience or intuition type of way) is necessary to finding the missing piece of the puzzle, the answer that we seek. We seek organized religion, search the internet, and do everything possible to look OUTSIDE of ourselves to find the answers.
What would happen...if we put a pause button on our life, took a step back, communed with the Spirit inside and listened to ourselves with reckless abandon (not in a reckless way, but abandoning any sort of preconceived beliefs, notions, practices)?
What happens if we start paying serious attention to coincidences? Ethereal energy's attempt at waking us up. Would we be able to more easily modify our microcosmic world? Fulfill our desires? Make manifest what we want to create?
The focus of thoughts we so shall reap. The source of desire is one we seek. It goes to say that we reap what we sow. Maybe someday, we'll be challenged to sow what we Know. Our time (in this life) is Limited, we all shall agree. Why not take a Leap of Faith and listen to me? Grow into your own, listen to your soul, the voice shall speak...and when you listen, your Sow you shall Reap.
Namaste.
So many of us live our lives in our microcosmic world while paying no mind to the macrocosmic picture. We hone ourselves into our little world and tend to hyper-focus on trivial things that do not matter. Why do we do this? Do we do this to distract ourselves from the 'bigger' picture? Do we choose to not pay attention to the coincidences that attempt to push us forward in an attempt to control some aspect of our life?
What if we are not the ones in control of the macrocosmic picture, but we do have control over the microcosm? What if we listened to the guidance inside of ourselves as a result of understanding the bigger picture? Would we be more happy, loving, tolerant, understanding, and compassionate, while being less medicated, 'helpless' and violent? Perhaps.
I am sure that not many humans are privy to the 'bigger picture'. We have sought out for thousands of years through a variety of ancient texts through a variety of cultures to obtain the key to some of the questions that we have been asking for centuries. Why are we here?
I believe that free will is rampant. I believe that we have control over what we focus on. I believe that we have the ability to change our microcosmic world, and in turn make a difference in the 'the bigger picture'. I believe that we are so much more powerful than many of us understand.
Think about it...How many times have you proclaimed 'I can't help it', 'I wish I could do something', or 'I have no control over that'? Could you really not help the situation, or are you being 'lazy' and seeking a physical world answer? Some things are just beyond the physical world. Some things can be remedied by utilizing ethereal energy.
It is practically common knowledge that we are energy and that everything is energy. If the belief of the majority of humanity is in a deity of some sort, something greater than ourselves (barring the beliefs of atheists and secular humanists), wouldn't it make sense to say that ethereal energy, God/Spirit energy, is more abundant than any other form of energy we can measure utilizing current technologies? If so, then why is it so outside the realm of possibility for many to conceive that ethereal energy exists, and we access it?
People speak to the effect of creating what we want. Some speak of the importance of having positive thoughts, because that is what we 'put out there' and in turn create or receive. Some, speak of 'gut feelings', intuition, coincidence, 'intuitive; or psychic abilities, mediumship and conscience. All of those things are a result of ethereal energy. God fearing and God loving people speak of miracles. Atheists and secular humanists suggest focusing on the current blip of energy and doing all you can here and now, rather than thinking more linear and cyclical (beyond space and time) and expecting a return to a deity of some sort. Would it be a stretch to say that those encompass ethereal energies as well?
No, not everyone will agree with all of those things stated above, as logic and reason are abundant that tend to challenge ethereal beliefs...BUT, if we CAN agree that everything is energy and that the majority of people in the world believe in some type of 'God' greater than ourselves, would not it stand to reason that there MAY be some energy out there that we have yet to be able to measure using current methods of technology? Some energy greater than ourselves that many don't understand because we look outside of ourselves for the answer? What about the Chinese concept of Chi? Life force energy...Ethereal energy is the same thing. What about the Mayans, Hopi and more with their validated 'inside' info from ancient texts? Obtained utilizing Ethereal energy. Prayers are also heard through ethereal energy.
There are so many things that humans have stated before with confidence and later proved wrong, therefore pushing forward the previously current methodologies of science and technology. Once upon a time it was wholeheartedly believed that Earth was flat, Earth was the center of the universe, heroin was beneficial and that Pluto was a planet. The point? Science has been wrong before.
We are fully engaged and locked in a time where many people rely on science, technology and media for the answers. We have made advances, but we have also been wrong, remember Y2K? What if we stepped back from the land of media, internet, technology and science and oh, I don't know...actually looked within?
I have talked to people about 'looking within'. Some give a simple nod with a knowing smile...others look at me like I have 10 heads and think I have my head in the clouds. Still others seem perplexed that I actually want them to 'get inside' themselves and realize they are more than a bag of bones. Some are eager to hear more.
We have a soul or a spirit inside of us, many believe that. Why does it challenge so many beliefs when someone speaks about communicating with your own soul? We easily pick up our 'smart' phones and text, email, call, etc. and can reach out to anyone we choose. We look at NASA and Google Earth for pictures and information about what is beyond our microcosmic world. We search and scour the internet for information about the world around us; current events, politics, entertainment and 'reality' TV (the "REAL" lives of people who don't/won't matter to us on a small scale...generally so we do not have to pay attention to what we need to in our own lives), science and technology, self help/personal development, and some slither through social networking sites to find out what someone else is doing so they will again not have to focus on their own life (it's so much more fun to gossip about others than it is to fix your own issues, right?? ugh!). We seek information about things that we don't understand, as well as fill our heads with garbage that we don't NEED to understand. Why does it matter? Why do we do that and then look boggled when someone suggests turning off the outside world for a minute and looking inside yourself?
We are 'busy' in 2011...I get it....we 'don't have time'. We make excuses. Sure, we are busy, but why can we not take one minute a couple of times a day to get in touch with ourselves? Personally, I have a hard time finding the 20 solid, uninterrupted minutes a day some talk about taking to meditate. BUT, I absolutely take one solid minute a few times a day. Quality over quantity.
If you have ever felt something was a coincidence, if you have ever been involved in a seemingly synchronistic event, if you have ever felt like someone was watching you (when 'no one' is there - in the physical world/realm), if you have ever thought about someone and they contacted you, had a bad feeling, thought or felt something and then it happened, had a miracle occur, prayed, set a goal or intentions, or even cast a spell...you have worked with ethereal energy.
Some people pray to God. Some people cast a spell. Some people do neither and try to check things off their bucket list (achieving goals). Yet, each of those belief systems (as a whole) tend to judge the others.
Organized religion repels 'witch craft' and secular humanism and atheism reject both! Then there are many caught in between.
Personally, none of those options appeal to me. I am not big into organized religion (the closest I have gotten to resonating with an 'organized religion' is Spiritualism), witch craft and spell casting is not for me. Secular Humanism and Atheism are not for me either, despite my atheistic approach at life through my miserable teen years. I do not judge anyone who resonates with any belief system. We are all seeking a common goal...To be happy.
The point of this blog is to help some understand that there IS something out there bigger than many understand, and it is WITHIN us. It is outside of us. It is everywhere.
Free will is abundant, personal responsibility is necessary and becoming acquainted with the little voice inside (not in a mental illness 'the voices told me to do it' kind of way...more like a listening to your conscience or intuition type of way) is necessary to finding the missing piece of the puzzle, the answer that we seek. We seek organized religion, search the internet, and do everything possible to look OUTSIDE of ourselves to find the answers.
What would happen...if we put a pause button on our life, took a step back, communed with the Spirit inside and listened to ourselves with reckless abandon (not in a reckless way, but abandoning any sort of preconceived beliefs, notions, practices)?
What happens if we start paying serious attention to coincidences? Ethereal energy's attempt at waking us up. Would we be able to more easily modify our microcosmic world? Fulfill our desires? Make manifest what we want to create?
The focus of thoughts we so shall reap. The source of desire is one we seek. It goes to say that we reap what we sow. Maybe someday, we'll be challenged to sow what we Know. Our time (in this life) is Limited, we all shall agree. Why not take a Leap of Faith and listen to me? Grow into your own, listen to your soul, the voice shall speak...and when you listen, your Sow you shall Reap.
Namaste.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Coming to terms...
I have to come to terms with the fact that no matter what I have been through, no matter how far I have come, I will still have judging nay-sayers and people who take issue with where I am, have been or what they perceive me able to achieve in the future. It's such an amazing feeling to hear that people put limits on you when you don't share those same sentiments.
I recently had someone say that I am a lower socioeconomic class than my partner. This hurts. The fact I do not currently have a college degree (but have been working on, with 4.0 semesters all the way), the fact that I sell sex toys, along with some other rants are all sore spots with this individual. BT-dubs...this is "not personal". hm. How is one supposed to take that? 'Hey, I think you're low class, but don't take it personally....It's only because of your job and that you don't (yet) have a piece of paper. It was actually said that I should have a secretary job, or the like....hm.
There are some brilliant people out there who have done amazing things without a college degree. Dell, Ford, Rockefeller...any of those names ring a bell? how about Microsoft, Mary Kay, Kodak, IKEA, Apple, Athena's? Abraham Lincoln, Ben Franklin, Andrew Jackson? ...Yeah, all super successful and now household names with no college degree. Do I need to remind everyone that George W. Bush is a 'well educated' individual? *rolling eyes* ugh. I'm working on that piece of paper, but it doesn't mean that I can't do amazing things while I am in process.
The fact that I am home with my kids, raising them to be decent human beings, taking care of my health, own my own business (2 of them), am plugging along diligently with my college degree, and have overcome HUGE obstacles in my life, and make my partner happy do not matter.
The fact I helped raise nearly $10,000 to aid in local domestic violence in one season's worth of work with V-DAY, the highest they ever raised in a single season, totaling more than half of what had been raised in 3 seasons prior, doesn't matter. The fact that I have many people who have thanked me for helping them in a variety of capacities doesn't matter. The fact I help people deal with loss, addiction, cutting, depression, eating disorders and other personal issues doesn't matter. The fact I have people tell me they didn't commit suicide because of something I said doesn't matter...
It doesn't matter that my parents weren't alive to help me with college...I did it on my own. It doesn't matter that I am trying my ass off on a daily basis.
I have struggled, pawed and clawed my way through this life. I have tried and never given up. I have NEVER been a person who allowed the challenges and struggles to define her to the extent I let them overpower me or use them as an excuse to fail. I have taken EVERY challenge and challenged myself to overcome it. I have resolved time and time again not to let this life get the best of me. I have taken what I have been handed, and tried to do the very best I can.
I have been able to rise from the ashes again and again. I have been able to make something from nothing time and time again.
Life and socioeconomic status seem impacted when you bury both parents by 20, lose tens of thousands of dollars in real estate to vacate an abusive relationship, get diagnosed with an expensive disease that affects every aspect of your life, and still yet have children who need clothes, shoes, food, etc. I still try and have done OK so far.
I have never been a person who says "you know what? I have been handed a shitty hand, take care of me" as I marched my ass to welfare so they can assist me with housing, food, clothes, and money to support my family. I have always chosen to struggle and tried to do it on my own rather than taking advantage of what is out there.
Anyone who KNOWS me, would know that I would rather try harder and go without to be able to provide for my family. No, I am not rich. No I do not have an endless supply of money. YES, things become challenging at times...Is that a reason to slight me at the core of my being? I didn't think so, but I guess I was wrong.
I have learned that I piss people off on occasion, but the source of that is generally because I speak my mind, advocate for myself and suggest others do the same...Seems some people don't care for that assertive behavior.
I am so tired of having to defend myself. I am so tired of rocks being thrown in my direction. I am so tired of dealing with stupid BS from people who have not had major struggles and from people who can go running to mommy and daddy when THEIR feelings get hurt...Must be nice...I haven't had that 'luxury' in almost 10 years. hm, is that bitter I taste, yes it is. I am bitter that I cannot be given the benefit of the doubt. I am bitter that the 'silver spoon' was more like a carrot dangled in my face. I'm bitter that for holidays, birthdays and every other occasion I have not had my parents, yet, you have taken advantage of the fact that yours are still around. I'm bitter that I cry at every father/daughter dance at a wedding because I was never afforded the same opportunity.
I'm so sick of people taking for granted what they have, yet being so quick to point fingers at what I do not have. I'm sick of people looking out at others, trying to figure me out, but not willing to invest the same energy into themselves. Ignorance is bliss, for some...but for me, ignorance doesn't work.
I'm frustrated that the same people reach and point fingers, but CHOOSE to keep their vision external to their own faults. It's fascinating to me that the gripes that some people have about me, are the SAME things they were 'guilty' of possessing at the same time period.
If more people would shut the fuck up, look within and deal with their OWN problems, maybe we'd have less fucked up kids running around out there, less drama, and less hostility towards one another.
I make strides and efforts to be a good person and to make personal evolution on a daily basis. I make efforts to make people I care about happy and let people know I appreciate them.
I'm tired of being blindsided by people who cannot come to terms with their own faults, but have NO hesitation pointing fingers.
Grab a fucking mirror and take a look at yourself. Look at your relationships. Look at how people approach you. Can people talk to you? Can people tell you what they are thinking, or do they cringe attempting to do so? Do you resolve to mend your personal flaws? I'm not talking about seeking 'perfection', as that is a faulty concept. I'm talking about making personal strides and occupying your time and thoughts with things that are actually progressive and make you a better person from your core.
I swear, if more people listened to their intuition instead of their ego, we'd all be much happier.
Just remember, your Karma is not what happens, what you say, or what/how you feel or perceive something...It's YOUR impact on others and how YOU react. If you do something that hurts another, and you are aware of it and not make an effort to repair what you did...That is on YOU!
I am coming to terms that people are always going to bitch about something/someone. Miserable people have a tendency to point out all that is wrong/flaws with something outside of themselves while simultaneously failing to take personal responsibility for their own flaws. It is irritating, but I need to find a peace with it somewhere.
There is a lesson in everything. *sigh* always where you are meant to be and everything happens for a reason, I get. it. I just ring with these words. I am finished my rant, but I do want to first share a few quotes...
'I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way.' -GAGA
'Fuck the naysayers because they don't mean a thing, because this is what style we bring.' -311
'Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.' -Dr. Seuss
'A hasty judgment is a first step to recantation.' -Pubilius Syrus
I recently had someone say that I am a lower socioeconomic class than my partner. This hurts. The fact I do not currently have a college degree (but have been working on, with 4.0 semesters all the way), the fact that I sell sex toys, along with some other rants are all sore spots with this individual. BT-dubs...this is "not personal". hm. How is one supposed to take that? 'Hey, I think you're low class, but don't take it personally....It's only because of your job and that you don't (yet) have a piece of paper. It was actually said that I should have a secretary job, or the like....hm.
There are some brilliant people out there who have done amazing things without a college degree. Dell, Ford, Rockefeller...any of those names ring a bell? how about Microsoft, Mary Kay, Kodak, IKEA, Apple, Athena's? Abraham Lincoln, Ben Franklin, Andrew Jackson? ...Yeah, all super successful and now household names with no college degree. Do I need to remind everyone that George W. Bush is a 'well educated' individual? *rolling eyes* ugh. I'm working on that piece of paper, but it doesn't mean that I can't do amazing things while I am in process.
The fact that I am home with my kids, raising them to be decent human beings, taking care of my health, own my own business (2 of them), am plugging along diligently with my college degree, and have overcome HUGE obstacles in my life, and make my partner happy do not matter.
The fact I helped raise nearly $10,000 to aid in local domestic violence in one season's worth of work with V-DAY, the highest they ever raised in a single season, totaling more than half of what had been raised in 3 seasons prior, doesn't matter. The fact that I have many people who have thanked me for helping them in a variety of capacities doesn't matter. The fact I help people deal with loss, addiction, cutting, depression, eating disorders and other personal issues doesn't matter. The fact I have people tell me they didn't commit suicide because of something I said doesn't matter...
It doesn't matter that my parents weren't alive to help me with college...I did it on my own. It doesn't matter that I am trying my ass off on a daily basis.
I have struggled, pawed and clawed my way through this life. I have tried and never given up. I have NEVER been a person who allowed the challenges and struggles to define her to the extent I let them overpower me or use them as an excuse to fail. I have taken EVERY challenge and challenged myself to overcome it. I have resolved time and time again not to let this life get the best of me. I have taken what I have been handed, and tried to do the very best I can.
I have been able to rise from the ashes again and again. I have been able to make something from nothing time and time again.
Life and socioeconomic status seem impacted when you bury both parents by 20, lose tens of thousands of dollars in real estate to vacate an abusive relationship, get diagnosed with an expensive disease that affects every aspect of your life, and still yet have children who need clothes, shoes, food, etc. I still try and have done OK so far.
I have never been a person who says "you know what? I have been handed a shitty hand, take care of me" as I marched my ass to welfare so they can assist me with housing, food, clothes, and money to support my family. I have always chosen to struggle and tried to do it on my own rather than taking advantage of what is out there.
Anyone who KNOWS me, would know that I would rather try harder and go without to be able to provide for my family. No, I am not rich. No I do not have an endless supply of money. YES, things become challenging at times...Is that a reason to slight me at the core of my being? I didn't think so, but I guess I was wrong.
I have learned that I piss people off on occasion, but the source of that is generally because I speak my mind, advocate for myself and suggest others do the same...Seems some people don't care for that assertive behavior.
I am so tired of having to defend myself. I am so tired of rocks being thrown in my direction. I am so tired of dealing with stupid BS from people who have not had major struggles and from people who can go running to mommy and daddy when THEIR feelings get hurt...Must be nice...I haven't had that 'luxury' in almost 10 years. hm, is that bitter I taste, yes it is. I am bitter that I cannot be given the benefit of the doubt. I am bitter that the 'silver spoon' was more like a carrot dangled in my face. I'm bitter that for holidays, birthdays and every other occasion I have not had my parents, yet, you have taken advantage of the fact that yours are still around. I'm bitter that I cry at every father/daughter dance at a wedding because I was never afforded the same opportunity.
I'm so sick of people taking for granted what they have, yet being so quick to point fingers at what I do not have. I'm sick of people looking out at others, trying to figure me out, but not willing to invest the same energy into themselves. Ignorance is bliss, for some...but for me, ignorance doesn't work.
I'm frustrated that the same people reach and point fingers, but CHOOSE to keep their vision external to their own faults. It's fascinating to me that the gripes that some people have about me, are the SAME things they were 'guilty' of possessing at the same time period.
If more people would shut the fuck up, look within and deal with their OWN problems, maybe we'd have less fucked up kids running around out there, less drama, and less hostility towards one another.
I make strides and efforts to be a good person and to make personal evolution on a daily basis. I make efforts to make people I care about happy and let people know I appreciate them.
I'm tired of being blindsided by people who cannot come to terms with their own faults, but have NO hesitation pointing fingers.
Grab a fucking mirror and take a look at yourself. Look at your relationships. Look at how people approach you. Can people talk to you? Can people tell you what they are thinking, or do they cringe attempting to do so? Do you resolve to mend your personal flaws? I'm not talking about seeking 'perfection', as that is a faulty concept. I'm talking about making personal strides and occupying your time and thoughts with things that are actually progressive and make you a better person from your core.
I swear, if more people listened to their intuition instead of their ego, we'd all be much happier.
Just remember, your Karma is not what happens, what you say, or what/how you feel or perceive something...It's YOUR impact on others and how YOU react. If you do something that hurts another, and you are aware of it and not make an effort to repair what you did...That is on YOU!
I am coming to terms that people are always going to bitch about something/someone. Miserable people have a tendency to point out all that is wrong/flaws with something outside of themselves while simultaneously failing to take personal responsibility for their own flaws. It is irritating, but I need to find a peace with it somewhere.
There is a lesson in everything. *sigh* always where you are meant to be and everything happens for a reason, I get. it. I just ring with these words. I am finished my rant, but I do want to first share a few quotes...
'I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way.' -GAGA
'Fuck the naysayers because they don't mean a thing, because this is what style we bring.' -311
'Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.' -Dr. Seuss
'A hasty judgment is a first step to recantation.' -Pubilius Syrus
Friday, June 3, 2011
Shit my kids say
I decided I should probably start keeping track of the stuff that comes out of my kids mouths.
Mikayla on pubic hair: "Why do some people have that black stuff there"
Me: went on to explain pubic hair...
Mikayla: "oh, I thought it was so that you could wear a t-shirt in the woods and scare people. They will think you are bigfoot. I know I would be scared if I saw that in the woods."
Mikayla: "So it's ok if I say 'beaver dam', it's just not ok to say 'damn beaver'?
Caleb: "Will I get boobies when I grow up?"
Me: "not if you stay active."
Caleb: "Look Mommy! It's a meatball poop."
Me: "oh ya. flush and wash your hands"
Mikayla: "My daddy's favorite planet is Uranus. He LOVES Uranus."
Mikayla on pubic hair: "Why do some people have that black stuff there"
Me: went on to explain pubic hair...
Mikayla: "oh, I thought it was so that you could wear a t-shirt in the woods and scare people. They will think you are bigfoot. I know I would be scared if I saw that in the woods."
Mikayla: "So it's ok if I say 'beaver dam', it's just not ok to say 'damn beaver'?
Caleb: "Will I get boobies when I grow up?"
Me: "not if you stay active."
Caleb: "Look Mommy! It's a meatball poop."
Me: "oh ya. flush and wash your hands"
Mikayla: "My daddy's favorite planet is Uranus. He LOVES Uranus."
Friday, May 20, 2011
The tree of my life, as I piece it all together.
Life has been up. Life has been down. As I walk and stride through life, I still reach challenges. It is part of it all, I understand that. I question 'why?' and get upset sometimes about what I've been through, and don't feel I got a fair shake sometimes. What cards were dealt to me in a relatively short period of time and forever changed me, how I kept many things to myself not to my betterment; through it all, I am not a woe me person. I am still working through old pains, challenged to forgive and release at times. When you see past the pain, and stride forward, making your life what you want it to be, starting from the inside out, life can really be a blessing.
My heart has been through the wheel of extreme emotions. I have been forced to become strong. I say I had no choice but to be strong, but I guess I could have taken it all in a different direction. I walk with strength and sing songs of making strides, personal betterment, gratitude and love. I sing my songs and walk my path. I don't know how to walk any other way. I have had to rise from the ashes again and again. I have reached adversity again and again in my life. I face adversity and rise up. I challenge you to do the same, bearing in mind, free will.
I speak to the fact that I had struggles in my life, Haven't we all? I will never say that I have been through ‘more’ than anyone else. I will never discredit the severity and darkness that shrouded anyone’s life. We each walk our own path. We each have challenges; we each have struggles and more. I know that. My story is one that not many know. I plan on writing about my life and the wisdom I have gained from it, but here’s what life has handed me in a nutshell, other than this, my life has been pretty ‘normal’. I strive to make better of myself and hope to spark that same light inside others. Beauty is an inside job.
I was born to a woman who was told she would never have children. At one point, it was said that she had a 12-25% survival chance. She was told that the Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and treatment thereof of damaged her so badly, she would never conceive. If she did, the child would die, she would die or the child would be born with severe issues. I was born March 5, 1982 in Methuen, MA. I was a healthy 9lb 5oz. I grew up with my mom and her family, my nana, my aunt and uncle when I was young.
My mom married my dad in 1985, I was 3. My mom and I moved to Salem, NH with my dad’s family to live in their home shortly thereafter. My brother was born in 1987, when I was five. I lived with my mom, my dad, my brother, Grammie, Grampie and Uncle Chuck. My dad and my uncle both had Hemophilia. My dad had HIV and my uncle had AIDS. The story is long and complex, but basically, Grampie died in 1989, I was 7. My mom survived breast cancer in 1990, spending Thanksgiving in the hospital. My uncle died in 1991 and my dad died on Easter 1993, I was 11. Just like that, half of my home was dead and my mom had beat cancer twice.
My Grammie remarried and moved out of the home, subsequently selling it to my mom...I then found out my dad was not my biological father. I found adoption papers when I was helping my mom clean. I was step-parent adopted and ‘no one knows’ my biological father, it is blank on the original birth certificate. My mom moved into the house a man that was not very nice with his 3 kids, which some of my peers told me were ‘the bad kids’ in Salem. My mom got Thyroid Cancer when I was 14. She beat that too.
The road was rocky and home was not always a ‘happy place’ for me through my teen years. It a very dark place for me. I contemplated suicide on a daily basis. I was picked on in school, people were asshole's...I would get home and think about, and several times attempted suicide. I hated life and everything in it. I was angry, fat, depressed, sad, hurt, broken and lost.
My mom died of a heart attack when I was 20. I was left to scramble to pick up the pieces and a long battle ensued with probate court. I had to deal with the flood of emotions of all my losses, the challenging relationship, the unanswered questions and hold it together as legal proceedings began and I met with attorneys and dealt with a Guardian ad Litem on my brother’s behalf to help settle the estate, a three year battle. A battle I was forced to deal with.
Regardless of all I had ‘going on’, I was in a relatively good place. My spirituality truly blossomed. I started my path in my teen years, but now I approached it with renewed clarity. All the pieces started coming together. I began to understand and unfold. I began to experience and write. I was loving life and learning like never before.
Amidst all this, I married in 2004 and had my daughter on New Year’s Eve and then three years later, my son. We were able to purchase a home together. Life was good...and then it was not so good. There were good times, but the darkness set in once again. My spirituality suffered. My spirituality was put down on a regular basis. I dealt with many psychological, emotional, some physical and more situations that do not belong in a home. My divorce was finalized in September 2008.
I moved in to a new, safe, happy home and felt once again, like life has been peace filled and I can breathe...Then I started having weird physical symptoms. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in January 2009. My spirituality and view on life waxed and waned and was challenged yet again off and on, until August 2010…I have once again picked myself up and am moving myself forward.
I am in a position to help others. I recently helped raise nearly $10,000, with V-Day, towards helping local domestic violence shelters provide needed support. I want to help more people on a larger scale. I want to continue striving to help and heal myself.
I have had yet another ‘reawakening’, following a challenging emotional clearing. I see it all even more clearly now. I am here for a reason. I have been handed all this to help others. I am more ‘awake’ than I even realize and give myself credit for. I know I have a road ahead and many lessons yet to be learned and in turn shared, but here I am…awake, vibrant, and ready to go, ready for more. Student as well as Teacher. Healed (and healing) as well as Healer. I am here to help.
My heart has been through the wheel of extreme emotions. I have been forced to become strong. I say I had no choice but to be strong, but I guess I could have taken it all in a different direction. I walk with strength and sing songs of making strides, personal betterment, gratitude and love. I sing my songs and walk my path. I don't know how to walk any other way. I have had to rise from the ashes again and again. I have reached adversity again and again in my life. I face adversity and rise up. I challenge you to do the same, bearing in mind, free will.
I speak to the fact that I had struggles in my life, Haven't we all? I will never say that I have been through ‘more’ than anyone else. I will never discredit the severity and darkness that shrouded anyone’s life. We each walk our own path. We each have challenges; we each have struggles and more. I know that. My story is one that not many know. I plan on writing about my life and the wisdom I have gained from it, but here’s what life has handed me in a nutshell, other than this, my life has been pretty ‘normal’. I strive to make better of myself and hope to spark that same light inside others. Beauty is an inside job.
I was born to a woman who was told she would never have children. At one point, it was said that she had a 12-25% survival chance. She was told that the Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and treatment thereof of damaged her so badly, she would never conceive. If she did, the child would die, she would die or the child would be born with severe issues. I was born March 5, 1982 in Methuen, MA. I was a healthy 9lb 5oz. I grew up with my mom and her family, my nana, my aunt and uncle when I was young.
My mom married my dad in 1985, I was 3. My mom and I moved to Salem, NH with my dad’s family to live in their home shortly thereafter. My brother was born in 1987, when I was five. I lived with my mom, my dad, my brother, Grammie, Grampie and Uncle Chuck. My dad and my uncle both had Hemophilia. My dad had HIV and my uncle had AIDS. The story is long and complex, but basically, Grampie died in 1989, I was 7. My mom survived breast cancer in 1990, spending Thanksgiving in the hospital. My uncle died in 1991 and my dad died on Easter 1993, I was 11. Just like that, half of my home was dead and my mom had beat cancer twice.
My Grammie remarried and moved out of the home, subsequently selling it to my mom...I then found out my dad was not my biological father. I found adoption papers when I was helping my mom clean. I was step-parent adopted and ‘no one knows’ my biological father, it is blank on the original birth certificate. My mom moved into the house a man that was not very nice with his 3 kids, which some of my peers told me were ‘the bad kids’ in Salem. My mom got Thyroid Cancer when I was 14. She beat that too.
The road was rocky and home was not always a ‘happy place’ for me through my teen years. It a very dark place for me. I contemplated suicide on a daily basis. I was picked on in school, people were asshole's...I would get home and think about, and several times attempted suicide. I hated life and everything in it. I was angry, fat, depressed, sad, hurt, broken and lost.
My mom died of a heart attack when I was 20. I was left to scramble to pick up the pieces and a long battle ensued with probate court. I had to deal with the flood of emotions of all my losses, the challenging relationship, the unanswered questions and hold it together as legal proceedings began and I met with attorneys and dealt with a Guardian ad Litem on my brother’s behalf to help settle the estate, a three year battle. A battle I was forced to deal with.
Regardless of all I had ‘going on’, I was in a relatively good place. My spirituality truly blossomed. I started my path in my teen years, but now I approached it with renewed clarity. All the pieces started coming together. I began to understand and unfold. I began to experience and write. I was loving life and learning like never before.
Amidst all this, I married in 2004 and had my daughter on New Year’s Eve and then three years later, my son. We were able to purchase a home together. Life was good...and then it was not so good. There were good times, but the darkness set in once again. My spirituality suffered. My spirituality was put down on a regular basis. I dealt with many psychological, emotional, some physical and more situations that do not belong in a home. My divorce was finalized in September 2008.
I moved in to a new, safe, happy home and felt once again, like life has been peace filled and I can breathe...Then I started having weird physical symptoms. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in January 2009. My spirituality and view on life waxed and waned and was challenged yet again off and on, until August 2010…I have once again picked myself up and am moving myself forward.
I am in a position to help others. I recently helped raise nearly $10,000, with V-Day, towards helping local domestic violence shelters provide needed support. I want to help more people on a larger scale. I want to continue striving to help and heal myself.
I have had yet another ‘reawakening’, following a challenging emotional clearing. I see it all even more clearly now. I am here for a reason. I have been handed all this to help others. I am more ‘awake’ than I even realize and give myself credit for. I know I have a road ahead and many lessons yet to be learned and in turn shared, but here I am…awake, vibrant, and ready to go, ready for more. Student as well as Teacher. Healed (and healing) as well as Healer. I am here to help.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)