Sometimes I wonder about my biological father and his family. I know we are always where we are meant to be. From what I understand from a few people, my biological father never wanted anything to do with me. I wasn't exactly 'planned'.
He knows about me. His family does too. I wonder if they think about me. I wonder if they wonder about me. I wonder if it bothers him that I am 'floating around' out there. I wonder if he cares. I wonder if he had any other kids. I wonder if he's looked for me.
I've looked for him. I have an idea of where he is, but alas...who am I to go and interfere with someone's life. I would be a 'bomb drop' for anyone married with kids...especially if the topic never came up.
I was told after my mom died some details about my birth father. What a messed up, twisted situation! I look back at all of it, and it is a jumbly mess. My original birth certificate was changed. The original certificate had Dad listed as _____________________. Yup, just a blank space.
I had my dad. He raised me. He never wanted me to know I wasn't 'his'. He loved me. I am grateful for that.
With the branches of my family tree rather skimpy and most of the leaves gone - remembered in memory, I wonder what it would be like if I knew him.
I searched and searched for years. Once I started to make some headway, I had a challenging conversation with who I believe to be his mom. I received one call from the same area shortly thereafter, but nothing since. When I called the man back, he 'didn't remember why' he called. *sigh*
It kind of bothers me that he wrote me off, didn't want anything to do with me, and made my mom feel bad. I'm not mad, just a little sad sometimes. I turned out to be a good person. I have kids, that means he has grand-kids.I wonder if any of that matters. I may never know and I am ok with that.
Maybe it's just not meant to be. My life does feel complete without knowing him, but as a person, I am curious about my ethnicity, and who I look like.
Things that I ponder.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Empty seats and my fill of gratitude
This holiday season is tough. I just stopped and it all hit me. It hit me that each holiday year that passed, there was another empty seat at the table. Not every year, but gradually every couple of years, we 'lost' someone. I buried 4 people I lived with in less than 15 years.
Each year passed and someone passed away, moved away or just stopped coming.
When I was young, there were a lot of people around. I have a relatively small family to begin with, but we were full with family and holiday cheer on both sides. The only thing guaranteed is that everything changes. We have to flow with ripple of life. Everything is what we make of it.
This year is tough because of people's choices. Drugs rip families apart. This year, I am grateful that *I* didn't become the heroin addict people thought I would. "With all you've been given in your life, I am surprised you aren't addicted to heroin"...I can't tell you how many variations of that I have heard. It never gets easier to hear. I am also grateful I never went *there*.
This year is tough because of losses. It's tough when the matriarch of the family and the 'keeper of the holidays' passes away. Everyone is left with the change. Some deal better than others.
I think I was expected to pick up the holidays when my mom passed. I was 20, that was challenging for me. I tried for a couple years to keep people together, but they fell apart. I was told that one of my family members can't be around me, because I remind them too much of my mother, and it's hard for them to deal with, because she's passed. ouch.
The only thing I can do is be grateful for what I have and where I am going with the family and life I have created. I am grateful for the family that is still around. We can't change what happened, but we can learn and grow from it. It also helps us show gratitude for what we currently have.
Today I am grateful for my family, friends, friends that became family, those who love me, surround me and support me. Today, I show gratitude for those who came before us, and for the memories they leave behind.
Each year passed and someone passed away, moved away or just stopped coming.
When I was young, there were a lot of people around. I have a relatively small family to begin with, but we were full with family and holiday cheer on both sides. The only thing guaranteed is that everything changes. We have to flow with ripple of life. Everything is what we make of it.
This year is tough because of people's choices. Drugs rip families apart. This year, I am grateful that *I* didn't become the heroin addict people thought I would. "With all you've been given in your life, I am surprised you aren't addicted to heroin"...I can't tell you how many variations of that I have heard. It never gets easier to hear. I am also grateful I never went *there*.
This year is tough because of losses. It's tough when the matriarch of the family and the 'keeper of the holidays' passes away. Everyone is left with the change. Some deal better than others.
I think I was expected to pick up the holidays when my mom passed. I was 20, that was challenging for me. I tried for a couple years to keep people together, but they fell apart. I was told that one of my family members can't be around me, because I remind them too much of my mother, and it's hard for them to deal with, because she's passed. ouch.
The only thing I can do is be grateful for what I have and where I am going with the family and life I have created. I am grateful for the family that is still around. We can't change what happened, but we can learn and grow from it. It also helps us show gratitude for what we currently have.
Today I am grateful for my family, friends, friends that became family, those who love me, surround me and support me. Today, I show gratitude for those who came before us, and for the memories they leave behind.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Something's brewing...
I can't help but feel like something is brewing for me, as in the pot is starting to bubble. not quite a boil, but the heat is there, permeating every molecule with transformative power.
In the past month, I have been on BlogTalk Radio twice, and was just approached for another opportunity, out of Oregon. This is the 4th time I have been asked to be on the radio since May 2012. The mini-snippet from the Bid & Destroy show came out. I am very grateful for the opportunity, but I wish they showed more! Good stuff, man! I just got a DVD copy of the show from Leftfield in the mail the other day.
In general, things are going well. I have done about 200% of business that I did in my first year. That's awesome to me. Analytics are up, demands are increasing, bookings are getting scheduled out further. I am booking into Feb/March 2013! It's kind of cool booking 3 months+ in advance.
I feel media will continue to pop. I have been told by others they feel it as well. When/where/who/what/how has yet to be determined. All is meant to be and everything happens for a reason.
Life is moving in the right direction. I got some really nice messages from clients last week. A few that made me tear up, not gonna lie. They really hit to the core of me. I'll post them under my reviews when I get some 'free' time. Tonight, I wanted to write.
Life is interesting. It is turbulent and peaceful at the same time. There truly is harmony in the duality. I am curious to see what these next few months bring. There have been very interesting natural disasters (YES! Venice is flooded, and NO, I don't mean the normal Venice under water thing). 50,000 starfish also washed up. That stuff is sad. They can regenerate, but not resuscitate. I digress.
I am so grateful for all of life's blessings. I have overcome so much. People keep saying I should write a book (or two), I just have yet to have that fire lit. Life's been busy handing me other things right now. When the time comes, I am sure I will be ready for it. For now? Enjoy the present moment, and continue on my path. I have already helped over a thousand people in less than two years, with more being inspired by my words. I can't wait to see where that goes.
I do want to do more investigations where I get into cool properties. Hammond Castle in Gloucester has some cool stuff, but I haven't been since I was there for a haunted house as a kid. I remember being spooked, because there WERE ghosts there and NOT part of the haunted house. Scared the crap out of me. I ran. Now, I wanna go play! My, my, my, how the tables have turned. That would make for a good TV show, don't ya think? Anyone who has seen me in action knows it can get a little...intense. I can't wait to go play in more cool places! It's coming! I feel it!
Each day, I practice my continuous stream of gratitude. It starts before my feet hit the floor in the morning and doesn't end when I lay at night. I am very grateful. Burying everyone so young and overcoming such crazy shit will do that. I am grateful I am no longer in that dark place. I am now able to be a beacon to others. To be told that someone pondered suicide before their reading, and found hope? priceless.
I will keep continuing on my path. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!
I am curious to see what the rest of the last quarter 2012 brings. Some endings, and some new beginnings, of nothing I have been more sure.
In the past month, I have been on BlogTalk Radio twice, and was just approached for another opportunity, out of Oregon. This is the 4th time I have been asked to be on the radio since May 2012. The mini-snippet from the Bid & Destroy show came out. I am very grateful for the opportunity, but I wish they showed more! Good stuff, man! I just got a DVD copy of the show from Leftfield in the mail the other day.
In general, things are going well. I have done about 200% of business that I did in my first year. That's awesome to me. Analytics are up, demands are increasing, bookings are getting scheduled out further. I am booking into Feb/March 2013! It's kind of cool booking 3 months+ in advance.
I feel media will continue to pop. I have been told by others they feel it as well. When/where/who/what/how has yet to be determined. All is meant to be and everything happens for a reason.
Life is moving in the right direction. I got some really nice messages from clients last week. A few that made me tear up, not gonna lie. They really hit to the core of me. I'll post them under my reviews when I get some 'free' time. Tonight, I wanted to write.
Life is interesting. It is turbulent and peaceful at the same time. There truly is harmony in the duality. I am curious to see what these next few months bring. There have been very interesting natural disasters (YES! Venice is flooded, and NO, I don't mean the normal Venice under water thing). 50,000 starfish also washed up. That stuff is sad. They can regenerate, but not resuscitate. I digress.
I am so grateful for all of life's blessings. I have overcome so much. People keep saying I should write a book (or two), I just have yet to have that fire lit. Life's been busy handing me other things right now. When the time comes, I am sure I will be ready for it. For now? Enjoy the present moment, and continue on my path. I have already helped over a thousand people in less than two years, with more being inspired by my words. I can't wait to see where that goes.
I do want to do more investigations where I get into cool properties. Hammond Castle in Gloucester has some cool stuff, but I haven't been since I was there for a haunted house as a kid. I remember being spooked, because there WERE ghosts there and NOT part of the haunted house. Scared the crap out of me. I ran. Now, I wanna go play! My, my, my, how the tables have turned. That would make for a good TV show, don't ya think? Anyone who has seen me in action knows it can get a little...intense. I can't wait to go play in more cool places! It's coming! I feel it!
Each day, I practice my continuous stream of gratitude. It starts before my feet hit the floor in the morning and doesn't end when I lay at night. I am very grateful. Burying everyone so young and overcoming such crazy shit will do that. I am grateful I am no longer in that dark place. I am now able to be a beacon to others. To be told that someone pondered suicide before their reading, and found hope? priceless.
I will keep continuing on my path. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!
I am curious to see what the rest of the last quarter 2012 brings. Some endings, and some new beginnings, of nothing I have been more sure.
Monday, November 12, 2012
OOP! She did it again. Corinne is on the Radio talking about creation and manifestation
Listen to Corinne talk about manifestation on Other Side of Life Radio!
http://corinnestar.com/corinnemanifestation.mp3
www.corinnestar.com
http://corinnestar.com/corinnemanifestation.mp3
www.corinnestar.com
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